Anger Management

How are you doing? It just seems like yesterday that we spoke about the Lessons of Life in the March Newsletter, and now, whoop, whoop! The April edition is here.

This edition is somewhat therapeutic for me. I also recently met a lovely young woman who told me about her experience with Life Coaching, and one of the techniques she uses is writing – which is so perfect for moi because (coincidence, I think not) writing is my passion.

Anyway, down to the point, what is the subject that we need to discuss? 


Anger Management

Damn you anger!
First things first. Anger: semi fond of it.
If you are like me, and you do not let out your anger, but rather suck up what is bothering you, well, let us ask ourselves this: how is that going for us?Right. It’s not ideal. 

The Story of the Angry Man
One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. “You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake.”

Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?” The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, “It would belong to me, because I bought the gift.”

The Buddha smiled and said, “That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you.”

Cultivated anger management
Buddha was very enlightened. So was Yogi Bhajan, our Master of Kundalini Yoga. He said that ingrown anger is like an ingrown hair. The pain it creates in life is unbearable. The great Master Yoda speaks:
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Even if he is a fictional character, he knows stuff.
You and me on the other hand, we are not (yet) so enlightened as Buddha, Yoda or Master Yogi B. How do we approach anger?

We hear we should let it go, release it, but why is anger such a powerful emotion?

Survival tool
Yes, there is nothing like good old anger to make you feel alive, right?
Drama, conflict, arguments… it all gets that blood pumping!

Anger is a natural instinct. It is our animal side. Anger protects us and makes sure that our basic rights are not violated. It is not an offensive emotion, but rather a defensive one.

Try and steel food from a lion: you will be attacked.
The lion is trying to defend its right to live and by taking his food, you are threatening its life.

More than a natural instinct, anger becomes a survival tool.

Sometimes anger gets completely out of hand!
If you are physically suffering the consequences of anger, for example in an abusive relationship, or if you have serious anger management issues, seek out the help of a professional counsellor!

The anger I refer to is a short and temporary survival tool. If you need help with violent anger, call your national helpline.

Anger Management for the less enlightened
For all of us non enlightened Yodas, what can we do if we have an extra anger reservoir? This is what I think:

Accept & Release
You get angry, it happens.
I am not entirely sure where my ingrown anger comes from, but I have a hypothesis.

Is it important? Not really. Accept its existence, see what you can do about it.

There are a gazillion things if you choose to let go.

Let go of the past
Events have a meaning because of the meaning we give them. Some things go right down into our subconscious mind, for protection, out of fear, out of helplessness. Especially if things happen to us on a level on which we cannot comprehend, like when we were children. Then there are subconscious patterns that develop, and these may lead you through Your Life.

Bring them up to the surface – even if it is intensely painful!
Then work on yourself. All the time.


This is who you are in this universe. In a previous life, you were different. In your next life, when you reincarnate, it will be different again.

Begin practising unconditional love with yourself, to accept even your fear, shame and regrets.

You don’t have to hang on to disempowering beliefs. If you are angry (secretly) at your parents (for example) for not saying “I love you”, or “I am proud of you”, it does not mean that you are worthless.

Change comes from working on your beliefs.
I can help you with this.

Detox your liver
According to Chinese Medicine, anger comes from the liver. The liver has to do with the third chakra which is the chakra that contributes to your own personal power. When this chakra is unbalanced, anger can rule your life either actively or passively. Working with anger is a long process and can take many years to work out no matter what practice you do. In the end, anger is very exhausting and when coming from this place you are missing out on the highest vibrating emotion of all, love.

Yogi Bhajan taught a great meditation for Releasing Anger which you can find in Shakta Kaur Khalsa’s book, Kundalini Yoga. Overall this is a great book and especially good if you are working with anger as it also includes kriyas such as “Relive Inner Anger,” “Let the Liver Live,” and “Kriya for Oneness.”

Source: Nihal Singh, Spirit Voyage

In Conclusion

The bottom line is, anger mostly hurts ourselves, because it can easily turn against us (what Buddha said). What if we noted that anger just is. That it is neither good, nor bad. Then, the question is: what are we going to do with it? Build, or destroy something? Constructive anger for example, can turn into passion. Passion can be used to construct a legacy – not like the Godfather, but like an association to help victims who suffered the same like you. If something good comes from your anger, then how does anger sound?

Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful.
Jim Butcher, White Night

Ajai Alai

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