Why you should say no more often

My summer so far has been marked by one word… “No”.  Actually, no, no is not a word, no is a complete sentence. You do not have to justify yourself for using it. Not ever. Justification is the last step to hell, so don’t.

If you have kids, or a puppy like me, you understand why “No” fills up my day. “No” is an excellent subject for this month’s blog… do you want to know why it can be extremely beneficial to your health to say NO more often? As always, share any thoughts or comments with me and the world .

No and don’t be shy about it

Let the numbers tell you

Let us use a simple approach to NO. Numerology, or Karam Kriya, as established by Shiv Charan Singh and described in his book “Let the Numbers Guide You.”

Life has its problems – numbers are the solutions.
We can use a mathematical approach to NO by understanding its number.

2 NO or not 2 NO

NO is an expression of 2. We negate the undesirable.
As Shiv Charan Singh says: “The know-how of the “no”, knowing how and when to say “no”, is a healthy engagement with life through the force of death.”

In Kundalini Yoga, a human being is understood in terms of 10 bodies. Our physical body is just one of these. The physical body is number 5. The threshold between the earthly and the spiritual.

The second body, or 2, is the negative mind.
The corresponding chakra (i.e. wheel of energy in your body) is svadistana, second chakra.

The Negative Mind

Do not be beguiled by the name… the negative mind is there to protect you.

Protection & safety are very important aspects of “No”.

I also refer to the 2nd chakra which is the seat of your sexual energy. NO sets up boundaries, not just in education, but also in terms of protecting your sacred self.

You may have issues with NO when your second chakra is vulnerable – maybe because you encountered abuse or assault. NO is there to protect you. And NO should be respected. When this primary function got violated, saying NO becomes a serious issue.


“No” is very much the expression of duality. Duality: yes-no. This is one of the major causes of our suffering. Again in terms of Kundalini Yoga, this duality comes from the fact that the first, the 1, is us, our SOUL separated at birth from its origins… the Universe or God. This duality is expressed in terms of longing.
You long for something but you cannot understand what. You may think that this longing is love. You are not completely wrong 🙂

Yes, 2 is a relationship, but essentially a relationship is a 1+1. You try to seek the fulfilment in a relationship, in an attachment. But it is not this attachment that will get you fulfilled.

This longing can become so strong that you negate life in itself. Then death becomes more attractive than life. Yet, only life can bring you death. If you die before your deadline, you deny your soul the human experience.

Prana – Breath

Numbers stand in relation to another. This relation ends in the 10. Ten is the all-encompassing number: it unites the 1 (the soul) with all other numbers in the 0. 2 stands in relation to 8 – the pranic body, or life energy (prana). When you choose to say NO you choose breath. You choose life.

NO becomes a positive affirmation that you choose yourself and put it over others.


2 is caught in the problem of loyalty. Where should the soul direct itself? If you are a very loyal person, you may find it more difficult to say no.

This is why I compiled some practical advice about the art of saying NO:

Develop a critical mind. Loyalty can lead to blind attachment standing on the edge of abuse, use, and fanatical extreme. Direct your loyalty to something more true, more lasting: your growth.

Stop complaining! How do you ever want to move on if you complain about everything?

Communicate. 2 is the expression the word. Communicate, write poems, compose songs. Express yourself.

Pranayama – breathing exercises. 2 stands in direct relation with the 8: to strengthen NO, strengthen your breath with regular pranayama exercises and meditation. Activate your neutral mind, and clean out the garbage.

Self-esteem build up your NO saying skills by practicing. Practice saying no. It is a complete sentence.

In Conclusion

If sometimes you still have a nagging feeling inside wondering whether you made the right choice about saying NO, I share this advice of my teacher Ardaas Singh:


Trust that in the moment when you made the choice, you were connected.
Whatever that means to you.

Aad Such Jugaad Such Hai Bhai Such Nanak Hosee Bhee Such

Light & Love



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